Wait a Little While
by streetlights and music
Summary: Of course, you can never have everything at one time. And Killua can only be content with half of it. Short introspection-fic. Alluka-Killua-Gon friendship/family oneshot. Post Chapter 338-339.


He's not alien to the concept of love and friendship.

Well, maybe friendship. At first. But it's not like it's his fault; he wasn't technically _allowed_ to have friends before he ran away and took the Hunter Exam on a whim. Gon was his first friend – his _best friend_. He has this special place in Killua's heart, and no one can take that place.

(Alluka has a different place in Killua's heart that's just as big and special. But she's different. Alluka is Alluka.

This is Gon.)

Perhaps if he stayed longer, there wouldn't have been a need to say _goodbye. _Maybe it would only take two more seconds, maybe one. Maybe less. Maybe if he didn't leave as fast as he did, maybe if he drew out their farewell a little longer than he did, then maybe they would have stayed together: him, Gon, and Alluka.

Maybe.

But of course, you can never have everything at one time. And Killua can only be content with half of it.

He's never wanted a lot of things; when he does, they are usually attainable. Chocolates and sweets are easy to buy.

But Gon is different.

Gon is… _Gon._

Gon is sunshine and determination, stupidity and cheeky smiles. Gon is learning how to use a fishing rod for the first time, and camping in the wild under the starry sky. Gon is bright eyes and sincerity, simple and honest to goodness simplicity. Gon isn't perfect, but he's one-half of Killua's everything.

(Because Killua doesn't know how much his heart can take if something were to happen to either Gon or Alluka.)

It's not worse than having his whole world wrapped up around only one person, but it's not any better.

Alluka says that Killua never changed ("Because you've always been a sweet oniichan!"), but he has grown so much in so many ways. Sometimes, Killua can see it. When he looks in a mirror, he sees brighter eyes and gentler smiles. Other times, when he's lying on a foreign bed at two in the morning, with Alluka sleeping peacefully beside him under the warm blanket, Killua can only imagine.

For so long, he's learned to see himself as Gon's best friend. He had so much gratitude, so much empathy, so much _love_ for the other boy that he almost couldn't see himself without him.

It has only been roughly two years, but to Killua, it felt like it has been just a few days short of forever.

(Maybe if he stayed for a while…)

But he can't stay. He has found what he wants to do, and Gon has found his dad. They met their goals, didn't they? Perhaps not through the promises they made (under the stars, in a small little island where the air tastes like seasalt), but they achieved their goals nonetheless.

(Alluka was worth it.)

He and Gon will just have to wait. It's not like they can't cope without the other person around.

Besides, Killua wants to linger in his goals for a while. He still has a lot to show Alluka.

(It's not like they _really_ said goodbye anyway.)

He sometimes wonders who will let up first. Who will be the one to send the first email, or who will be the one to call without paying attention to the time difference? Who will be the first to send souvenirs, and who will be the first to ask where the other person is, because a little reunion doesn't sound so bad, and don't you miss me yet?

He doesn't know when they'll meet again, but he knows they will.

He's a magnet; Killua gravitates towards Gon as if it was the most natural thing to do. He can't _not_ return to him.

(Because with Gon by his side and Alluka in his arms, he is home.)

* * *

A/N: Well, this was harder than I expected. I think Killua is hard to write in general, because he's such a developed character. And HxH has such wonderful plots and characters, so writing about them doesn't come as naturally as with other stories. Just proves how Togashi's work is amazing; it stumped me, really.

This one isn't meant to be a romantic fic, but I don't mind if your shipping goggles make you think it is. Though honestly, I'm not sure how this even looks romantic in any sense, even if you consider Killua's one-sided near-obsessive bromance with Gon in the manga.

Reviews are nice. I'm not sure if I wrote Killua right. It's only an introspection fic after all. I think I got his priorities and thoughts down, but not quite. Strangely, I think I wrote him right and wrong at the same time, haha. Well, I want to hear your thoughts. This fandom is surprisingly smaller than I expected.


End file.
